I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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