He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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