Redeem this text for a blowjob
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i now understand why vodka
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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