I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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