There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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