Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
