Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
