I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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