They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
