It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
