ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
