I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
