i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
