So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
