oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
