Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's shark week go big or go home
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
