What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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