so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
