but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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