were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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