I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
