toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
