standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
