dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
