I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
