Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
