I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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