I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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