I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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