it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
