Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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