I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
