this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
