Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
