Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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