Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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