...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You are the jesus of drinking
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
