woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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