ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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