I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
