i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
