So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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