I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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