Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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