I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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