never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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