You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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