i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
