he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
