quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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